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I’ve always struggled to clarify in my mind how much
our destinies are in our own hands and how much is decided by Hashem. If my
fate is indeed sealed on Yom Kippur, for example, then how much control do I really
have over what happens to me in the upcoming year?
In this week’s parsha, Eikev, there is a passage that states The eyes of Hashem are on (the land of Israel). This verse is quoted in Tractate Rosh Hashannah (17b) and there it discusses this in relation to decisions being made at Rosh Hashanah for the amount of rain that will fall. So if a decision is made on Rosh Hashanah for little rain but the people are good and do as Hashem wishes, then this little rain will fall in all of the right locations and at the right times. Conversely, if the decision was made that there would be a great deal of rain but the people stray, then the same amount of rain will fall—but at the wrong times in the wrong places.
Not only does this help me better understand the duality of Hashem’s decision-making working in conjunction with my own decision-making, and how they may affect each other, it also helps clarify my thinking about consistency versus individuality when a child violates a school (or family) rule. Which will best help a child grow and learn from our response: being consistent with enforcement of the rule all of the time, or seeing each individual instance of rule breaking within its own unique context, and perhaps responding in very different ways depending on the circumstances, at the possible risk of consistency? One parenting suggestion I heard and liked compared setting boundaries to a box with foam rubber walls; the general shape of the response to the broken rule is fixed—which is important for children to know that we will respond in a certain way—but there is also a small degree of give in terms of individual circumstances. This seems consistent with Hashem’s decision making in this week’s parsha, and strikes me as an ideal solution to a challenging dilemma.
Shabbat Shalom--
Paul Oberman
In this week’s parsha, Eikev, there is a passage that states The eyes of Hashem are on (the land of Israel). This verse is quoted in Tractate Rosh Hashannah (17b) and there it discusses this in relation to decisions being made at Rosh Hashanah for the amount of rain that will fall. So if a decision is made on Rosh Hashanah for little rain but the people are good and do as Hashem wishes, then this little rain will fall in all of the right locations and at the right times. Conversely, if the decision was made that there would be a great deal of rain but the people stray, then the same amount of rain will fall—but at the wrong times in the wrong places.
Not only does this help me better understand the duality of Hashem’s decision-making working in conjunction with my own decision-making, and how they may affect each other, it also helps clarify my thinking about consistency versus individuality when a child violates a school (or family) rule. Which will best help a child grow and learn from our response: being consistent with enforcement of the rule all of the time, or seeing each individual instance of rule breaking within its own unique context, and perhaps responding in very different ways depending on the circumstances, at the possible risk of consistency? One parenting suggestion I heard and liked compared setting boundaries to a box with foam rubber walls; the general shape of the response to the broken rule is fixed—which is important for children to know that we will respond in a certain way—but there is also a small degree of give in terms of individual circumstances. This seems consistent with Hashem’s decision making in this week’s parsha, and strikes me as an ideal solution to a challenging dilemma.
Shabbat Shalom--
Paul Oberman
