Rosh Hashanah
As Rosh Hashanah approaches, it is important for us to approach each other with open hearts. This, of course, is more difficult than it sounds. We all form impressions about each other and then often filter out information that doesn't fit into our already-formed ideas about that individual.
Sometimes this can work in a positive way. We can walk home from shul raving about the sermon given by our favorite Rabbi who can do no wrong. We can leave a good friend focused completely on his amazing friendship, overlooking his consistent tardiness. We can look past a teacher's bad mood because we know he is a great teacher 364 days per year.
Sometimes, however, we find ourselves overlooking the good to focus on the bad. Even though the Rabbi gave a wonderful sermon, his tone reminds us of why he always rubs us the wrong way. A friend who just sat and listened to our troubles for an hour can be written off as a bad friend because he wanted to discuss a problem he was facing at work and refused to focus solely on us. Or a teacher can give an amazing lesson but make one comment we don't agree with...and he can then be written off as an opinionated jerk.
One of my colleagues at Choate Rosemary Hall, a Connecticut boarding school, used to bemoan parents who "interviewed for pain." These parents had determined that a particular teacher wasn't right for their child, and would therefore initiate conversations with their children (and other children!) with questions or statements such as "what outrageous thing did that teacher do today?" or "don't tell me that teacher said that again today!" Regardless of what a wonderful educator this teacher might be, the sad fact is that he never had a chance with these families because they had already made up their minds.
As Rosh Hashanah begins on Sunday night, may we all resolve to open our hearts and focus on the good we see in all people. Just as with "paying it forward," this will certainly be to our benefit as well when we inevitably err but are forgiven by the open hearts who now surround us.
Shabbat Shalom, and L'Shana Tova--
Paul Oberman
Sometimes this can work in a positive way. We can walk home from shul raving about the sermon given by our favorite Rabbi who can do no wrong. We can leave a good friend focused completely on his amazing friendship, overlooking his consistent tardiness. We can look past a teacher's bad mood because we know he is a great teacher 364 days per year.
Sometimes, however, we find ourselves overlooking the good to focus on the bad. Even though the Rabbi gave a wonderful sermon, his tone reminds us of why he always rubs us the wrong way. A friend who just sat and listened to our troubles for an hour can be written off as a bad friend because he wanted to discuss a problem he was facing at work and refused to focus solely on us. Or a teacher can give an amazing lesson but make one comment we don't agree with...and he can then be written off as an opinionated jerk.
One of my colleagues at Choate Rosemary Hall, a Connecticut boarding school, used to bemoan parents who "interviewed for pain." These parents had determined that a particular teacher wasn't right for their child, and would therefore initiate conversations with their children (and other children!) with questions or statements such as "what outrageous thing did that teacher do today?" or "don't tell me that teacher said that again today!" Regardless of what a wonderful educator this teacher might be, the sad fact is that he never had a chance with these families because they had already made up their minds.
As Rosh Hashanah begins on Sunday night, may we all resolve to open our hearts and focus on the good we see in all people. Just as with "paying it forward," this will certainly be to our benefit as well when we inevitably err but are forgiven by the open hearts who now surround us.
Shabbat Shalom, and L'Shana Tova--
Paul Oberman
